moving on but not letting go...

by whine

I've had enough.

No, don't try to reason with me, this is too much.

I will try not to think of you when I wake up in the morning and ask myself if somehow you are also awake. I have my own life to lead and my own life to think of. No, I won't even think of you while I'm eating my lunch wondering if you're doing the same thing, because sooner or later I know you will.

No, never again will I go to the comfort room and lock myself in just to have some privacy to piteously think of you, cry, sing or do some silly things because of you. And no, never will I again think of you last when I go to sleep. Sleep is my only rest, so please don't plague me in my dreams.

I am moving on.

I'll try to wake up in the morning and smile and think not of why you left but that once you stayed.

And if I feel the need to cry, it will not be for the future that we could have, not for the regrets that I have nor of the anger that i feel, but I will cry because of a love that I never was able to share with the one man I felt it for. I will cry for the love that was lost, and not for the man who left.

I will give my affections to any man who is need of it, but not my heart because I still am trying to get it back from you. I will give him the love that you never wanted, the kiss that I so longed to give you and the words that once was yours. Worthy or not worthy of it, at least he's here, you're not.

I'll try to hold back the tears when I think of you. I'll just try to smile.

I am moving on.. and hoping that the next thing would be letting go.

If you were given an option to choose, what would you choose? To stay or go and conform with the culture's pressure? Would you wish to be dictated by someone to follow the traditional norms imposed? Or would you like to be independent from it - seldom conforming; for you have set different standards for yourself?

Honestly, it's just so irritating to conform to the norms, and I guess it will always be. They may brand you with different name-callings or labels to justify the fact that you're no good. But who the hell cares, right? If they think that it's right, well then I will contend that "every one's decisions and opinions are unique, and that every one is entitled and responsible for what decisions or opinions are they going to make.

NO ONE IS SUPERIOR THAN THE REST CONSTITUTIONALLY. AND NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO DICTATE TO YOU ON WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO."

To conform with social pressures is a suicide. To conform with their acts and ideas renders one to become a part of it, though he or she doesn't like what he or she is doing.

I had written this because I personally experienced it. What happened was these people wanted me to conform, yet I decline with their request, and never did attempted to do anything about it. I made my decision, and I stick with it. I had not paid my fare just for me to be asked to push a wrecked car in the middle of the highway. And it's not the right also to reprimand other people who had done nothing wrong to you. Its just so happpen that these "co-passengers" of mine deliberately crossed the boundaries; making snide remarks and all.

Who the hell is she to tell me on what I am going to do? Is she the one feeding me? Is she the one paying all my expenses, giving me the basic necesseties that I needed?

No, right?

So how come does she expects me to conform with them? How filthy is she to say those words to me? And was she right on all things, and that those who defied to conform are always wrong?

If you were in my situation and you were asked by someone to conform with what they dictate would you conform or you decline just as what I did?

friendster got a new look... somewhat based on CSS... kindda similar with myspace, yet still if you wish to edit it applying all sorts of codes you know, you'll be dismayed because it's still got a character limit... annoying... additional 1000 characters is not enough for a cross browser marquee with almost over 3000 characters without the text you will add...

anyways what is CSS anyway and is friendster giving the users freedom to change their own profile page... kindda sounds intriguing... but i wish i can do that...

I've been thinking of the finest lines,

to write and spare to you.

But my mind doesn't seem to bulge,

and it fails me everytime I tried.

I've been wondering where you are right now.

Pondering whether you're also thinking of me.

Questioning heaven why on earth can't it be us;

why on earth do you have to leave?

Now here I am still expecting a word,

wishing that your heart will heed my call.

Wishing that someday you'll learn to realize,

how my heart grieves since you've left.

Now another chapter had been opened,

I'm still hoping to be a part of the main characters,

that will play in your life,

that would cry and laugh with you in your sojourn.

Ever wondered how it feels like reaching your anger threshold... nagtitimpi ka na, pero talagang ipinaabot pa sa kasukdusukdulan. Well ako oo... and this happened a few hours ago, sa palarong agham. It would be okay na sana eh... that i've seen those people who i wish to see, pero nung nagsimula na yung cheer dance... ayan na... those few apathetic people clamoring in-front. okay lng sana if they sit down, or kneel, pero hindi eh. at ang peste sinaway mo na... inirapan ka pa... pinauupo mo na lalo pang ibinabalandra yung likod nilang malalapad... tpos may isa pang fat ass na humarang at umindaindayog dun mismo sa spot kung saan yun na lng yung nakikita mo... grr... tlaga... sirang-sira yung araw ko... yun pala yun... every good thing that happens to you, one way or another you will have to face the opposite of it..