Immature daw ako?!

My ex-bestfriend and I had a fight. Weird?! I just asked him to tell me the truth yet what do i get as a result - invectives that doesn't define me appropriately. And now I realize that he never really treated me as a friend. Imagine, he dared told me that he don't consider me as such! And mind my own business, when in fact he dragged me through it, and as a concerned friend you want your assumed friend to be always at a good disposition.

Do you know that he accused me of being childish, immature, naive, telling unbelievable and unconvincing stories, when in fact its a mere projection of his attitudes and characteristics over me. When i told him that he became aggressive and told me that i was jealous, and envious about his life, and that i was bitter! When I explained my point in a much more annoying note, he dared told me i was insecure and needed intervention. Duh! right?! Do i need to psychologize myself when in fact my self-concept and self-esteem are intact and stable!

When i expressed my annoyance and let him face reality by explaining his actions psychologically, he just said he doesn't mind reading it. How stupid right?! Then he said that EQ and IQ is not the topic, it's my immaturity! How damn fucking moron is he, immaturity as far as i know is positively correlated with EQ and IQ. And i presume that i was stable in both areas, how come I became immature?

Who do you think is immature between the two of us, he who cannot accept constructive criticism or me who let him realize it that it is helpful to be honest all the time?

I wish to share this quote from Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist

"When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed."

Think of it this way, I wanted to proceed to med school, had my application form prior to the deadline for filing yet I had not filed it. I'm still uncertain for my own future, and yes cognitive dissonance acts again! I do really wish to proceed to med school but I'm having second thought if whether I'm still capable of handling the pressure, and if my parents would still be capable of sending me to a decent med school.

In a country like the Philippines, where resources are very scarce and the economy id failing with each passing of the day, I think it would not be applicable to invest large amount of money wherein you could get nothing in return. But if I chose not to proceed, saan naman ako mapupunta? I'll be an employee in an HR? Ayaw ko ng HR, ayaw ko sa industrial setting. Sa educational setting, hindi naman ako pwede kailangan ng MA degree for guidance and counseling. Last option siguro is call-center agent... hay... ano ba talaga ang magiging bukas ko...

Alam ko kyo rin ganito ang nasa isip... parang walang patutunguhan... hay...