Immature daw ako?!

My ex-bestfriend and I had a fight. Weird?! I just asked him to tell me the truth yet what do i get as a result - invectives that doesn't define me appropriately. And now I realize that he never really treated me as a friend. Imagine, he dared told me that he don't consider me as such! And mind my own business, when in fact he dragged me through it, and as a concerned friend you want your assumed friend to be always at a good disposition.

Do you know that he accused me of being childish, immature, naive, telling unbelievable and unconvincing stories, when in fact its a mere projection of his attitudes and characteristics over me. When i told him that he became aggressive and told me that i was jealous, and envious about his life, and that i was bitter! When I explained my point in a much more annoying note, he dared told me i was insecure and needed intervention. Duh! right?! Do i need to psychologize myself when in fact my self-concept and self-esteem are intact and stable!

When i expressed my annoyance and let him face reality by explaining his actions psychologically, he just said he doesn't mind reading it. How stupid right?! Then he said that EQ and IQ is not the topic, it's my immaturity! How damn fucking moron is he, immaturity as far as i know is positively correlated with EQ and IQ. And i presume that i was stable in both areas, how come I became immature?

Who do you think is immature between the two of us, he who cannot accept constructive criticism or me who let him realize it that it is helpful to be honest all the time?

I wish to share this quote from Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist

"When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed."

Think of it this way, I wanted to proceed to med school, had my application form prior to the deadline for filing yet I had not filed it. I'm still uncertain for my own future, and yes cognitive dissonance acts again! I do really wish to proceed to med school but I'm having second thought if whether I'm still capable of handling the pressure, and if my parents would still be capable of sending me to a decent med school.

In a country like the Philippines, where resources are very scarce and the economy id failing with each passing of the day, I think it would not be applicable to invest large amount of money wherein you could get nothing in return. But if I chose not to proceed, saan naman ako mapupunta? I'll be an employee in an HR? Ayaw ko ng HR, ayaw ko sa industrial setting. Sa educational setting, hindi naman ako pwede kailangan ng MA degree for guidance and counseling. Last option siguro is call-center agent... hay... ano ba talaga ang magiging bukas ko...

Alam ko kyo rin ganito ang nasa isip... parang walang patutunguhan... hay...

moving on but not letting go...

by whine

I've had enough.

No, don't try to reason with me, this is too much.

I will try not to think of you when I wake up in the morning and ask myself if somehow you are also awake. I have my own life to lead and my own life to think of. No, I won't even think of you while I'm eating my lunch wondering if you're doing the same thing, because sooner or later I know you will.

No, never again will I go to the comfort room and lock myself in just to have some privacy to piteously think of you, cry, sing or do some silly things because of you. And no, never will I again think of you last when I go to sleep. Sleep is my only rest, so please don't plague me in my dreams.

I am moving on.

I'll try to wake up in the morning and smile and think not of why you left but that once you stayed.

And if I feel the need to cry, it will not be for the future that we could have, not for the regrets that I have nor of the anger that i feel, but I will cry because of a love that I never was able to share with the one man I felt it for. I will cry for the love that was lost, and not for the man who left.

I will give my affections to any man who is need of it, but not my heart because I still am trying to get it back from you. I will give him the love that you never wanted, the kiss that I so longed to give you and the words that once was yours. Worthy or not worthy of it, at least he's here, you're not.

I'll try to hold back the tears when I think of you. I'll just try to smile.

I am moving on.. and hoping that the next thing would be letting go.

If you were given an option to choose, what would you choose? To stay or go and conform with the culture's pressure? Would you wish to be dictated by someone to follow the traditional norms imposed? Or would you like to be independent from it - seldom conforming; for you have set different standards for yourself?

Honestly, it's just so irritating to conform to the norms, and I guess it will always be. They may brand you with different name-callings or labels to justify the fact that you're no good. But who the hell cares, right? If they think that it's right, well then I will contend that "every one's decisions and opinions are unique, and that every one is entitled and responsible for what decisions or opinions are they going to make.

NO ONE IS SUPERIOR THAN THE REST CONSTITUTIONALLY. AND NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO DICTATE TO YOU ON WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO."

To conform with social pressures is a suicide. To conform with their acts and ideas renders one to become a part of it, though he or she doesn't like what he or she is doing.

I had written this because I personally experienced it. What happened was these people wanted me to conform, yet I decline with their request, and never did attempted to do anything about it. I made my decision, and I stick with it. I had not paid my fare just for me to be asked to push a wrecked car in the middle of the highway. And it's not the right also to reprimand other people who had done nothing wrong to you. Its just so happpen that these "co-passengers" of mine deliberately crossed the boundaries; making snide remarks and all.

Who the hell is she to tell me on what I am going to do? Is she the one feeding me? Is she the one paying all my expenses, giving me the basic necesseties that I needed?

No, right?

So how come does she expects me to conform with them? How filthy is she to say those words to me? And was she right on all things, and that those who defied to conform are always wrong?

If you were in my situation and you were asked by someone to conform with what they dictate would you conform or you decline just as what I did?

friendster got a new look... somewhat based on CSS... kindda similar with myspace, yet still if you wish to edit it applying all sorts of codes you know, you'll be dismayed because it's still got a character limit... annoying... additional 1000 characters is not enough for a cross browser marquee with almost over 3000 characters without the text you will add...

anyways what is CSS anyway and is friendster giving the users freedom to change their own profile page... kindda sounds intriguing... but i wish i can do that...

I've been thinking of the finest lines,

to write and spare to you.

But my mind doesn't seem to bulge,

and it fails me everytime I tried.

I've been wondering where you are right now.

Pondering whether you're also thinking of me.

Questioning heaven why on earth can't it be us;

why on earth do you have to leave?

Now here I am still expecting a word,

wishing that your heart will heed my call.

Wishing that someday you'll learn to realize,

how my heart grieves since you've left.

Now another chapter had been opened,

I'm still hoping to be a part of the main characters,

that will play in your life,

that would cry and laugh with you in your sojourn.

Ever wondered how it feels like reaching your anger threshold... nagtitimpi ka na, pero talagang ipinaabot pa sa kasukdusukdulan. Well ako oo... and this happened a few hours ago, sa palarong agham. It would be okay na sana eh... that i've seen those people who i wish to see, pero nung nagsimula na yung cheer dance... ayan na... those few apathetic people clamoring in-front. okay lng sana if they sit down, or kneel, pero hindi eh. at ang peste sinaway mo na... inirapan ka pa... pinauupo mo na lalo pang ibinabalandra yung likod nilang malalapad... tpos may isa pang fat ass na humarang at umindaindayog dun mismo sa spot kung saan yun na lng yung nakikita mo... grr... tlaga... sirang-sira yung araw ko... yun pala yun... every good thing that happens to you, one way or another you will have to face the opposite of it..

hay... practicum... progress report... thesis... craming na talaga ko hay... need time to break out... break out... BREAK OUT!!!! Pagod na ang utak ko sa kakaisip... 4evah na lng na ganito... tapos ito pa yung play sa rizal, play sa soc. psy... blah...blah...blah... good thing meron sa net na mga ganitong humorous article... share ko sa inyo...

PAG MURA ANG SONGHITS NA NABILI MO....

I decided long ago, never to walk in edu manzano...

(I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow)

Cry by Mandy Moore - A walk to remember... it was late afternoon!

(I'll always remember, it was late afternoon)

All My Life by K-ci and Jojo - supposed to be you're like my mother,supposed to be you're like my sister

(close to me you're like my mother... close to me you're like my sister)

Where's the Love - People killing, people flying, children hurt an living, crying...

(People killing, people dying; children hurt and you hear them
crying)

Leaving on a jet plane - so kiss me and SMAFFLE me...

(so kiss me and smile for me...)

Usher & Alicia's My Boo - It started when we were younger you were NINE...

(It started when we were younger you were mine)

Eto pa: ...and you were my BEYBLADE... it started when were younger you were FINE...
hehehe....

(eto isa sa mga naging favorites, hehehe...)

If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys - "some people want TAMBOURINES.." (diamond rings)

Britney's Baby One More Time - My ONLY NEST
is killing me... and I........
(My loneliness....)

Thumbthumping (Chumbawumba) - I get knocked
down by an elephant, my mommas's gonna bring
me down...
(I get knocked down, but I get up
again...)

Crush by Jennifer Paige - "i-splash, a little crush.."

("it's just.. a little crush..")

Red Hot's Californication - "Viva Californication...."

(Dream of Californication...) - pramis! guilty ako
dito
>teta<

No scrubs, TLC - "A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fine but is also known as a BUS STOP" (buster)

Waterfalls by TLC: Don't go JASON waterfalls...
(Chasin')

John Mayer - You're ALICE IN WONDERLAND...
You're ALICE IN WONDERLAND I'll use my hands

(Body is a wonderland)

Baa Baa Black Sheep: "Baa baa black sheep,
heavy on the road..."

With A Smile by Eraserheads: "lift ur HAND.. baby dont be scared.. of the things that could go wrong along the way.. (HEAD!!!)

Wag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin by Kitchie Nadal: maaaaaaaaaag... , magdamag mong sasabihin........

On Bended Knees by Boyz II Men: Oh God give me the reason, I'M DOWN... ABANDON ME...
(I'm down on bended knee)

Soul of Christ... sat beside me... (sanctify me! )

ETO ANG "THE BEST!"

Nothing's gonna change my love for you... you know NAMAN MY LOVE how much I love you...

tapos na ang prelims... pero hindi naman ako pwedeng magsaya dahil alam ko hindi ko napagbutihan ang pagsagot sa mga tanong... hay... anyways cnu ba namang matinong tao ang gagawa ng test na 5 points each ang isang drawing, 30 items na galing sa isang papel na binalewala lng, essay na hindi makita sa liit ng font as compared sa iba, and essay questions na ng galing sa preface ng libro...

cyempre every body wish na hindi bumagsak... and so do i... goodluk na lng...

***

few hours to go... yeah... yet i'm still in the middle of immaturity and maturity. for those people... uhm... u-know-hu-u-r....

Thank You!!!

I gladly appreciate it... i guess this is the only way i could repay u all...

***

kanina nagfriendster ako, as usual user search muna... using my brothers account... tpos nashock ako kc yung usual na hinahanap ko nawala... akala ko dinelete na yung account... so yun madali ako na chineck yung account ko tapos nakita ko cia... nagbago ng name... hay... wla lng...

***

can anyone tell me were i could get an ebook of meg cabot??? yun lng... hay

I thought I could move on already,

yet your memory still haunts me.

Still it makes me shiver

and weep beyond my control

I never thought that still you could affect me.

With just a simple reply,

everything about me crumbles into pieces.

I feel restless...

Could anyone tell me where I could get more pictures of him over the net? Wala lang, I find him attractive kasi... un lang.