phone call

a phone call, a threatening phone call, being bitter as a conclusion.
yet when did i sulk into this bitterness?

is bitterness the right term for my emotional state? or would it be fit to be called a walking corpse?

when did it all began? the answer lies in my pre-conscious mind. and i think it's not the proper time to divulge or uncover my dark past. for all i know, i've just learned to tolerate every negative remarks hurled at me. however instead of the usual "enters-the-left-ear-exits-the-right-ear", i'd absorbed everything, even if i can't endure it. a very negative coping style, that buried me even if i'm alive. an action with no point of return, was what i did.

bitterness against being happy? what is happiness? i don't mean to point the dictionary meaning, but the connotation of it. could happiness be sacrified all at once? if so, then it ends here. i'd sacrified my happiness all this years just to keep me alive. so now don't mind asking me when did it all began? when did i felt the pain? and why did i sulked into this state? because you and me never had the same experience. because you and me were raised into different ends of the spectrum.

achievements affected by bitterness? if there were any scientific explation on this, then i haven't read it. but for all i know, an emotionally dead person can no longer achieve anything. and an emotionally dead person doesn't care enough whether he lags behind the rest, whether he exerts much effort or not, or whether he expects much or not at all. because you know what runs in the head of all those emotionally dead person; it is to know how to manage to surpass the dark ages he's into and proceed into the light where he can become free and lively again.