what blogger had made me?

blogging had made me stop writing poems, had stopped me from sketching and had stopped me from doing all those things i've previously like doing. All my outlet now were centered in this blog.

Hay, un lang. I missed holding a pen. I missed writing poems, and i missed sketching. However, i can no longer dare myself to do such stuffs because i lost all the inspiration that i used to have. I'm an empty shell actually.

about me?

I've been thinking what good answer i'm going to say everytime i'm being asked about this question:

"Tell me something about yourself?"

'coz everytime they ask me about it, the only answers i'm saying were, i like reading books, love music, graduated as a psychology student... blah, blah and blah.

so now i'm trying to learn what i really like and dislike. here's a few list, not that significant but can reflect what i'm really thinking of.

1. I love original fries, but not yummy fries.

2. I hated hypocrites. Just be true to yourself period.

3. I don't like people telling about something, then in the end you'll learn about it.

4. I don't like people talking about you behind your back. If they do, just be sure it won't reach you.

5. My silence says everything.

6. i like being exposed to mental hospitals, but i hated normal people acting as abnormal.

7. I may be clumsy and stupid sometimes, yet it doesn't mean that i'm not going to verify all the information.

8. I like english, but hated it as a profession.

9. I love faithful converts, but disgusted with people who are not true with themselves.

10. I like angels with wings, halos, and in white gowns, but is totally disgusted with devils disguising themselves by wearing angel's masks.

i'm trying to understand myself better, and luckily i had uncovered a part of me. few people i know, as i compared myself with them, had in them a glint or a little part of nationalism that was instilled in them when they were young. however, i don't have. since i was young, as i deemed my memory to be correct, i wanted to evade this country. i never even understand why i recited and sang the national anthem and that "panunumpa sa watawat". all i do was to mimic the expression, as though i felt it the same way as they do. now, i am certain, i don't feel as if a pint of nationalism had ever ran inside my veins.

being a filipino is a nice thing to say, if and only if, one is viewed in a way based on their attitudes, work habits, intellect and abilities, and not as a general whole that filipinos are like this "corrupt, dishonest, untrustworthy" and the like.

For the last time i plead to all... i need sleeping pills... this is not for suicide purposes, but for sleeping purpose... really! I can no longer adjust my own biological clock...

You Are a Coy Flirt!

You're not so much a flirt as the type of girl who draws flirts in While you look like you're just relaxing, secretly you've got your game on A little look here, a little wink there... you give men the encouragement they crave And in return, they flirt up a storm with you - while you just sit and smile

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

i can't sleep... i needed sleeping pills... can anybody send me one... i hate being an insomiac...

if you feel alone, you feel emptiness. this is not just a thought, but this is an experience. everything around seems boring. life is so dull, no spice, not any excitement happening. you feel that everything seems to be routinary. waking up, doing something to kill the time, eat, then back to sleep. i feel like i'm a robot, mechanically doing things without enjoying it. i feel no trace of happiness what so ever everyday i wake up.

though i feel blessed that i wake up everyday, eat everyday, live the day, i feel something is not right. i feel that i'm missing something, that same something i was looking for since i was a teenager. that same thing that's keeping my life so weary.

i feel so bothered, maybe...

my 143 post

though the title seems not appropriate...

i hate it... and that's it! i'm not a logo maker! i am not that artistic to let me make a small or super tiny logo become a grand, huge, and beautiful one. Damn! i hate that customer... (my father's customer). if its not for obdience, respect and hospitality, i may have shouted at that fu*king customer to give me a nice logo to be edited upon, not a super tiny one (0.5x0.5 inches). Then they're going to tell my freaking father that they don't have one, yet what they gave us, as their sample, was a print-out of it. syempre may nakaistore sa computer nila yun... and that is what i wanted to point out... grr...

to all the readers sorry for the profanity and for the use of semi-vulgar words... ehmm... vulgar words... can't help it....

okay i need to face reality now, i can't be a bum for more than 10 months to wait for another school year for med... needed to find a job... hay...

***
i dropped by today in ust to get my grad pixs na sa tagal na sa red images ha... as in totally. mga 3 months na siya dun, di pa rin na process, not until i called them. hay, buhay...

***
i went to nitrohub after that... sobra... mababasag yung ear drum ko... ang lakas ng sounds nila. and what's worst was i was near their speakers... hay... talaga nga namang minamalas o...

***
i like rain... yung tipong nasa bahay ka lang walang ginagawa pinagmamasdan yung ulan... pero pagumaalis ka tapos biglang bubuhos ang malakas na ulan... hay... bad trip!

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

I'm missed talking to someone of my age; someone who could understand you no matter what;
someone who you could spare words with and be heard; someone i know would accept you.
i missed a friend, or friends to be fair. I just feel alone. I had no one to share my
emotions with. I just don't have for now.

I couldn't call my bestfriend. i might be disturbing him in his review for nursing board.

I couldn't call rich, he's working at a certain company, his in graveyard shift.

I couldn't call ren, jen and lou... all of them are busy... perhaps.

I couldn't call anybody from the block... i just can't bother them. i don't even know what
they are doing.

oh, i miss the life of a student. you go to school, meet with your friends, talk and chat,
feel free and happy despite the pressures. I miss everything. i just do.

anyway, i have received my sign, the results of the nmat. and i reached the cut off for ust.
yet, i need to find a job for now, so as not to be a bum... hay boring...

i had just heard the weirdest thing ever - flores de mayo ng mga matatanda. I just don't know why our community had thought of such idea. Homosexuals may be alright, but the idea of your lola and lolo parading is such a schocking idea.

But anyway if it fits to the idea of what the people are celebrating (flores de mayo) then it's okay. Kasi hindi ko alam kung ano yung ibig-sabihin nito. Ang dami kasing fiesta sa pilipinas eh.