opportunity missed

gosh... i just so hate it... i missed a huge damn opportunity in the affiliate network that i belong with. maybe i'll try and wait again some other time, but honestly i'm really disappointed!

i mean i should have reserved it, but i just can't understand the sequence of the codes to be placed for its reservation. oh damn i need eye glasses!

was life harsh on me?

Sometimes I think, was life harsh on me? Or I just missed a lot of opportunities it offered?

I just don't know; maybe both had occurred. Now I'm at lost, don't know where to start or where to begin. A direction-less human being that doesn't know what road to take!

But I still believe that this feeling would end, it just takes a matter of time though. I just need to know where I really should be heading, and from there I know I would grow and blossom to become a productive person.

Displayed here is my feelings of emptiness, psychologically what is called existential vacuum in Gestalt theory, I think. So far, my aim is to eradicate this type of feelings so as to live peacefully and sanely.

nightmares yet again: no interpretation?!

Well, its sick to be enduring all your fears alone, right? And so far, you can't even express it towards anyone. What would they do? What will they say? Would they comfort you or would they just stare at you blankly as if trying to say you're insane?

Yet, again I'm on to this sort, just blogging my fears aways...

I just couldn't comprehend why in the world it always have to occur every single waking and sleeping moments of my life. I know it's kind of an odd thing to just rant about all my fears including my nightmares, in this blog, but it's my only option. So please just bear with me.

Again, for the nth time in a row, I had dreamt of the same nightmare, same content, but different setting. I just hate it. I really do. Someone was really desperate enough to hunt me down in all of my dreams. I just simply hate it, cause all I can do was either hide, run and scream, and that person is always there following me.

Paranoia, yeah it may sound true, but I haven't had the slightest idea why it always recurred. I'll dig it out later on, try to focus and explain it psychologically, so that I can share it with you.

Anyway, I know a lot of psychologists (4C-Psy) who are reading this, friends, I need to talk to you now.

I signed with a PPP!

I was kind of a bit skeptical at first when I heard about a sponsored post from a co-blogger, specifically with a blog network called Payperpost.com. I thought was it real? Do they really pay for a single post made by bloggers? Of course, at first, you cannot erase the fact about a person being skeptical. What if it's just the so-called fly-by-night companies? Or maybe just a grand scheme of a scam that lurks over the internet to grab innocent young naive ones?

But I made my mind, there isn't anything harm in trying. Besides its free! So I don't have anything to worry about.

Just then did I try. I signed up for a membership with them and learned that indeed they do pay bloggers, which somehow eradicated my skepticism about the said program. Imagine not all internet based companies are willing to pay that kind of amount just to buzz around their products, and not every one is willing to accept bloggers to become an affiliate - except for Payperpost.com

Indeed this is a new and nice experience for me. I will write something up, and then within a few days I'll get paid for it, and it's not so much of a hassle. I can earn and keep the money for something nice to splurge when I really had the urge.

So far, if this is a race game, I'm just on the starting point, with maybe some or fellow bloggers unknown-to-me yet, and are on the same race to catch up with the rest of bloggers ahead. Maybe someday, I can catch up with the rest and maybe even have the opportunity to chat with them or even mingle with them.

inspiration needed!

scars
jaycee bien

Caught in a past love, whining, wishing, pleading.
Left in the current, washed away by the flow.
Tears trickling, looking beyond the sky, needing.
Am I not worth your love? Asking the stars aglow.

Am I just that silly pretending or just too naive?
Let alone tricked by your selfish intent!
Cursed by your ways; broken by your lies in an eve
full of false hopes and desires; all invent!

Still, I'm here, struggling with the pain you'd left,
hoping that someday these wounds would heal,
and the scars' the only ones left,
to be reminisced, devoid of emotion to feel.

This is my final attempt (yet hopefully not the last) to make a poem after all the inspirations flew away with the wind, as Mr. Roda words continued to resound in my head. I felt so scared of holding a pen and paper just to pour out all my thoughts on it; just to prove myself that I will never end up like him. And cruel him, he even affected my sketching skills! Now, I think, my skills are all rusting out. Thanks to him!

Anyway, I think, I just needed a new space, a new life, and a new inspiration, all for the benefit of improving myself. The poem in the right helped me so well before, but now its magic spell had finally ceased hold of my emotions. Though still I had no idea whoever wrote it, I would like to personally thank him/her for giving this to me, for it brought about fruitful years of penning poems that now I lost my touch with.

Anyway the poem above is dedicated to a friend. This is the only thing that I can give her to emphasize with her sufferings, cause I'm not physically present with her to grieve with all her hardships, and be one of the so called "crying shoulders".

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