Tuesday, December 6, 2005

paano ba maging masaya?

i had myself pondering again... over one thought... how to be happy?


akala ko noon kung ano ang maibigan ko at makuha ko magiging masaya na ako, pero mali ako. nakuha ko na yung gusto ko pero di naman ako masaya.


I looked back to life... pero not a single trace of happiness i had found...


i am vey much neurotic...


di ko alam... pero kasabay ng pagiisip ko kung paano ba maging masaya eh yung reflection ko na siguro napaka-negative ko. I mean, I'm always negative, kasi naniwala ako sa saying na narinig ko na use the negativism around you to be successful - and i did! All my life i'd sulked through it nowing someday i'd attain my own true happiness. pero hindi ata yun yung dapat kong ginawa.


Now look... i've become dependent on it... used it through others... and now it's eating me whole... wala na akong kawala... ngayon di ko na rin alam kung naging masaya nga ako kahit sandali ng buhay ko.


siguro nga... pero superficial lang lahat... not that true happiness...


bago ko pala naisipang ipost ito... nakareceive ako ng letter, same din sa reflection ko... obvious na napakalaking negatively charged particle ako... she said look through life positively... pero paano ba yun? If for once i was depressed all the time, i had a negative disposition and a negative outlook in life...


oh spare me from this... i want a life!!!

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