Tuesday, November 29, 2005

retreat na bukas...

but i've already made my mind - I will not come.

my reasons may appear to be invalid, pero it does makes sense on my part. 36 hours would not be enough to finish every task na meron ako... all pending at the moment. I will be practical, I need those hours to find a practicum site, to finish the psychological assessment for sports psych, and to continue with the thesis. All of these will be at stake pag sumama ako. and then pag balik ko magreregret ako dahil 36 hours yung sinayang ko.

Yes, I can sacrifice my spiritual life... I can! I had been to several retreats, and several recollections. I had received many letters, but all of which didn't fit to the missing piece i've been feeling. Yun yung feeling ko... I always get depressed for I cannot find the answer that i've been searching for ever since... lahat ng mga recollections, lahat ng retreat walang naitulong... bagkus, dumagdag pa sa pasakit na nararamdaman ko.

Ayaw kong maging pastik and all... pero alam ko naman na merong galit sa akin... i can sense that... i know... and ayaw ko ng malaman pa kung sinu-sino sila. besides it wont help much kung malalaman ko, kasi magkakaroon lang ng gap...

to all happy retreat na lng....

Sunday, November 27, 2005


Okay here is my wishlist sa nakabunot sa akin...

Unless wala lahat ng books na ito sa bookstores, you can give the book one of lemony snicket... yung bad beginning

I need to swallow my pride in saying that i will never post anything. Indeed I cannot just leave. This is a part of the my heart's passion. This is where I empty all my feelings and emotions. This is where I put my thoughts. This is a part of my life, a part of me that I conceal from public.

But what have driven me to return?

It was a simple message from a diary of someone I had read. It says,

Nobody knows that I really like writing... buti na lang we have this project.

I was amazed on how she'd put her whole thoughts in it, on how simple events can make up a unique story. It made me reflect, that indeed like her I had this passion for writing, yet I easily gave up all that when nothing nice seem to happen. I concentrate more on the negative side of life, not the positive side that's why simple things in my life that makes people happy, are always neglected.

I took this depression seriously. I was so affected by the lost of someone never really mine from the start. I look at stressful events and concentrate on it, when i fact i can concentrate on happy thoughts and make my gloomy life bright.

I need to learn my lessons well. This shall be my thought for the days to come.

Sunday, November 6, 2005


So far it's the end of this fever for me. I no longer intend to make updates or anything related to that to this blog. I'm just so tired of it. It may be well said as goodbye. But hey, I'm still going to check your url's for updates (if there are for the time being). That's it for now.

Friday, November 4, 2005

Just when I thought its over.

Just when I thought I can move on.

Just when I thought I can laugh again.

Just when I thought these tears would fade away.

You came back pleading.

You came back crying.

You came back promising to try to mend.

You came back asking for another chance

But I'm too numb to accept.

I'm too weak to resist.

I'm too stubborn to think.

And I'm too hopeless without you.

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

Hay... can't tag again... cookies deactivated...

I wish to say... happy halloween...

Pero what's so happy about halloween?! - just a thought...