Thursday, June 24, 2004


dear diary,

What will you do if you feel that your emotions for somebody seems uncertain? Let's say your mind is telling you that he didn't passed your standards, yet your heart tells you he's the one - how would you deal with this? With this contradicting ideologies and perspectives how would you react when you're in front of him? Would you stay cool and ignore the dictates of your heart or you'll follow it and disregard your mind's overwhelming advices and reminders?

It seems hard yet it's always happening, and you can't even decide truthfully for you know that regrets would come after following the decision you'd chosen. But what is the right thing to do, and what would you choose? Oh diary, I really don't know what to do. You know everytime i caught a glimpse of him, he seems to become too attractive, and i can't handle it. It appeared that he has this ineffable something that mesmerizes me, and make me fall madly in love with him, yet i always repress this feelings to a certain point in lieu with my high standards. If only i could modify it, yet I'm too afraid with what would happen if he would knew my concealed feelings for him...

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Smokey By B. A. Sutkus

My daughter had her parenting cut out for her. Only two days after my grandsons Josh and Jarod, identical twins, were born, my daughter brought them home from the hospital. The babies weighed only about four pounds each, and my daughter had dressed them in Cabbage Patch nightgowns, the only clothes she could find to fit them.

For the next five days, we all pitched in. The household revolved around these two tiny creatures. They ate every two hours, and we spent virtually the entire day in some stage of feeding them: making bottles, emptying bottles, cleaning bottles, changing diapers, preparing more bottles. After the twins had sucked down the last of their 8:00 p.m. bottles and we had changed them and tucked them into bed, we would head to the kitchen for a cup of coffee and a much-needed break. What we needed was a full-time, paid staff. What we had was Smokey, the family cat.

Smokey had been fascinated with the twins since the day they came home. He spent more time at their side than we did, watching them curiously or napping near their beds. We watched him cautiously at first, making sure he didn't hurt the babies, but though he never left their side, he never got too close to them. He seemed a loyal caretaker.

One evening, though, we briefly doubted our trust. We were unwinding in the kitchen when Smokey let out a blood-curdling howl, like an animal killing its prey. We raced into the twins' room, and the sight that greeted us filled us with terror. Smokey was almost sitting on Josh, the smaller twin, butting the baby's little body with his head and literally rolling him around the crib. As we ran to save Josh from what we thought was serious injury or worse, Smokey suddenly lay down and started softly mewing, almost moaning. That's when we discovered that little Josh wasn't breathing.

I immediately started CPR while someone else called 911, and an ambulance raced Josh to the hospital. It turned out that both boys were highly allergic to milk. Their bodies had reached their limit in milk intake, and because Josh was smaller, he had gotten sick sooner. Mercifully, Josh had not been without oxygen for very long. Smokey had realized that Josh had stopped breathing and alerted us just in time. Josh would be fine. In fact, the doctor said Smokey had definitely saved Josh's life.

Over the following months, the family settled into an amiable routine. Then late one night, Smokey jumped into bed with my daughter and son-in-law and started to bite and scratch them. More annoyed than puzzled at the cat's strange behavior, they got up to shut him into the bathroom for the night. But Smokey dodged their grasp and darted upstairs to the twins' older brother John's room. When my daughter followed in the chase, she found John so ill that he couldn't move or call for help. "My chest," was all he could say. When he underwent emergency heart surgery, the doctors found that his aorta was almost totally blocked.

Smokey, the hero-cat, now holds a special place in our family. He may have been content to be your typical family pet when the house was half-empty, but as it filled up with children, he decided he better promote himself to a mothering position. When it comes to raising a houseful of kids, Smokey figures it doesn't hurt to have some extra help.

breaking the animosity....

Yesterday i'd never thought that i'm going to end up late. At the threshold of the room i gazed at each person as i shamelessly entered it. I'd never thought that they were in a state of exhaustion in that flithy room called "airconditioned and multimedia" for it seemed that it's just one hour passed after i came in. Though, still i hinted that it was because of the tireless ballyhoes our dear good professor had been telling them.

Though an hour late, i'd still managed to make the most of what was in stored for that day. I'd managed to come to the class usual sports hangout, and play badminton. And i'd managed to break the animosity that widened the gap between our group and the rest of the groups. Although, we went home early i'd still had fun, and this hindered me from thinking about seeing my prince for that day.

Friday, June 18, 2004

summer's fling...

If a heart could lie,
Why couldn't it lie to you,
and tell you that it didn't love you?
if things could be masked-out completely,
Why, why do I still feel this solitude without your presence?
If only this mind could pretend more...
Why not pretend you haven't existed...
as a summer's fling...
that played and lingered on...
and took my heart away...
why? Why couldn't your memories
flew away with the wind?
Oh, but these painful truth was the reality,
reality that I couldn't bare,
and truth that I could never escape
for the rest of my life.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

yesterdays encounter...

At the point of giving up - on seeing my prince... he again came out of nowhere and lifted my spirit. Though his appearance was quite short... it totally made an impact on me. Besides i was too lucky not to encounter nor made a conversation with his EGOISTIC rival, for it would surely destroy my so called "DAY".
Well, that "impact" - i guess, i experienced the lightness that a person could savor. It's proof was when i'm stucked on the cab for almost 2 hours because of traffic.... All my other seatmates, co passengers, were already weary. They already used obnoxious verbal assults on the driver, yet i stayed there like what's happening was really normal - it always happen, one being stucked on the traffic and the rest already at home. Or maybe because i'm already used to the plain set-up of being stucked on traffic, unlike them.... anyway that's it for the mean time...

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Wednesday, June 16, 2004

damn him!

Apparently i had a nice day... so far as seeing that special someone that brightened up my gloomy day. After abnormal psych, that young prince came gliding out of nowhere - shining like the sun... hmm... however his EGOISTIC rival always had an excuse to ruin my day... telling me that he's "stiff"... and so on and so forth, a loser, a "poster" something - whatever he means with it... duh!
As i clearly see it jealousy or envy always comes out of this sordid guy's mouth  as he tried to ruin every edifice. This guy, if i'm correct with my observations, he always wanted attention, he seeked attention and wanted everybody glimpsing at him as though he's a STAR a celebrity. But his not and he really wouldn't be... damn him!

"love is weakest when there's more doubts than trust... and strongest when u learn to trust despite the doubts.. "

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Monday, June 14, 2004

monday edit...

not again... same thing... why? why can't things change, change for something better. I've been up early and then i arrived at school late... damn it! This monday sickness surely is a heck! Could anyone find me a cure?
by the way things goes... i'm still bored, in fact i hadn't seen my special someone again for the Nth time today. I didn't knew whether his schedules surely didn't fitted with mine, or it's just the usual twist of irony.
Hay, emotions really weren't easy to explain. It's profoundness resembles as one tried to understand or escape it's depth. I wish i could express these profound emotions about love... to all those people that i found so admirable... especially HIM, yet words always failed a longing heart! And what's worst, the only thing that you could do was look, and glimpse at him... keeping that emotions concealled at the bottom of your heart.
Enough of my nonsense... i need to go back to my studies about Biochemistry.... huh!

"love is weakest when there's more doubts than trust... and strongest when u learn to trust despite the doubts.. "

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Sunday, June 13, 2004


today.... is just an ordinary day, nothing special happened - it's
still the same usual boring day, even the person that inspires me hadn't
showed up. I feel restless and tired now plus the fact that i'm confused
of what emotions and facade shall i wear in front of my friends and my
classmates. How i hope that concelled emotion wouldn't be too obvious
for them to notice... yet what am i doing - telling it to a pc...

"love is weakest when there's more doubts than trust... and strongest when u learn to trust despite the doubts.. "

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Friday, June 11, 2004

first ever post

i'm quite new here, and i haven't had a single clue on how this thing works... hope that maybe someday i'll become an expert... hay!

"love is weakest when there's more doubts than trust... and strongest when u learn to trust despite the doubts.. "

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first ever post!

i'm quite new here and i'm completely annoyed with my current standing as a beginner in this place... duh!!!