Saturday, December 2, 2006

nmat exams...

My examination for admission to post-graduate studies will be held on the 10th of the month. I'm scared! What if I get a not so good score or flunk the said examination? Where will I go to study medicine then? I'm so afraid of what lies ahead of me. Wish me luck and pray for me.

To tell you all, I had wasted most of my time at home helping the family business, yet I don't feel satisfied and I don't feel like I'm growing and developing intellectually. My stagnation (as my best-friend states), just to follow my dream to study medicine, sure caused panic to my parents' will. I just knew that they wanted me to pursue industrial psychology and be employed after graduating, but I disobeyed their will. Why? For a simple reason: I feel, I will not become happy with industrial psychology (being an HR assistant to be exact). My heart belongs to clinical area where I know I'll be a lot happier.

But now I'm really thinking hard; If I can still cling on to my desire, and if I can still hold that dream that someday my name will have two additional letters in the end, M.D. If God, permits it, so be it. If not then either try again or proceed with the road I had disregarded for more than eight months now, industrial setting.

Anyway, I should live on the saying that:

Don't look for happiness, but learn to become happy with what you do, be it routinary or not.

But you know what, I can't apply that in my life. I just can't. My insecuries and my fears sure are the heaviest luggages that I still carry on today. They make me ponder a lot on whether I'll be happier with the decisions I had to face.

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