i don't know... i lost my trust prior this...

and now not a sliver of it could be grasp...

i just can't comprehend why you keep acting that way...

i just don't know...

who inflated you...

i need to watch out... and keep my mouth a little bit shut...

i just don't want a war to explode between me and the spirits around...

and i'm too exhausted for that as well...

How to make a jaycee

Ingredients: 5 parts anger 5 parts humour 3 parts joy

Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add lustfulness to taste! Do not overindulge!

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Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

What Type of PRINCESS ARE YOU????????(beautiful anime pics)

You are an air princess like me. You love clouds and birds and u like to be in charge but like the gods u like to watch from a distance. You hide your beauty but show off your smarts.
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What were YOU in your past life? (pictures, detailed results,everyone can take it)

You were a teacher! Strict,but funny, you taught children how to play musci and sing the most lovely songs.Instructor: You took music seriously and hated it when others didn't. You taught your students the best, and never stopped playing music. You knew how to love, and soon found one. You love to play her your songs, and she loves to sing to them.Intructress: Singing was you field of teaching. You loved to hear the children sing. You taught them the best. The children loved you because of your kind nature,but you felt something was missing. Yous oon found it, for it was love. Both of you died happily.Flower:Lotus FlowerColour:Pure WhiteInstrument:OcarinaElement:FireWeapon:Daggar
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"We've spent so much time, exerted much effort searching for the one thing that brings happiness and yet nothing seems enough... So why is it so hard to be happy? Its because we refuse to let go of the things that makes us sad..."

You are the pilot.


Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

about christmas

Okay so it's hours to go before christmas... but why does everybody making fuss about it? They are all thinking that it would be merry, spending a lot of money, expecting for something to receive, and all yet "reality bites" it's not. Sorry for my sarcasm but i just don't get the point on why some like to avert from reality and pretend everything is okay.

Besides as I watch the news yesterday, I had heard of this seasonal emotional disorder (if i was right in recalling and i don't even know what it was!!) that people may experience in this season. The main root cause as I analyzed it, simple people's expectations about christmas; their views that are totally not applicable now a days.

I mean to be honest, i don't feel the christmas spirit anymore. all those explanations before, and people's stipulations that christmas should be a remembrance of the birth of christ were all gone out of my mind. My view now of christmas is something materialistic, as what we were brought up to, giving and expecting to receive gifts from someone. Christmas is something of exuberance, of wasting, and of spending. Then afterwards what? Suffer for all the wasted money that you had spent.

See my view why i don't really like this season to come.

We are, in my point of view, in the dark ages of life. Everything now has a something of an equivalent...

Hay I'm so blasphemous... but i really can't help it... so just bear with my rants...

I'm pessimistic... yes... hence i got a negative disposition...

but what's in it... that let me cling to it...

My failure to trust...

i only got an exclusive people that i trust the most...

they can only be counted in one's fingers...

but why do i have to doubt people?

why do i need to scrutinize their actions...?

why...? because i'm also afraid that they will leave me behind...

i'm afraid of the rejection... the consequences it will bring...

everything associated with it...

Slowly i'm stubbling away... lost forever in the way...

I told myself never to trust again... to walk all by myself...

to say to all of them that i can live for my own...

to let them see the prowess that i have...

but all of it... the promise of that glory... had faded away...

I'm alone... i'm lonely... and sick...

I'm afraid... oh yes... afraid of all the failures...

afraid of trusting again... and afraid of all the regrets that would come...

but i can't go back on the road... all i can do is to just look...

to see how all of them rejoices... while i sulk the pain all by myself...

paano ba maging masaya?

i had myself pondering again... over one thought... how to be happy?

akala ko noon kung ano ang maibigan ko at makuha ko magiging masaya na ako, pero mali ako. nakuha ko na yung gusto ko pero di naman ako masaya.

I looked back to life... pero not a single trace of happiness i had found...

i am vey much neurotic...

di ko alam... pero kasabay ng pagiisip ko kung paano ba maging masaya eh yung reflection ko na siguro napaka-negative ko. I mean, I'm always negative, kasi naniwala ako sa saying na narinig ko na use the negativism around you to be successful - and i did! All my life i'd sulked through it nowing someday i'd attain my own true happiness. pero hindi ata yun yung dapat kong ginawa.

Now look... i've become dependent on it... used it through others... and now it's eating me whole... wala na akong kawala... ngayon di ko na rin alam kung naging masaya nga ako kahit sandali ng buhay ko.

siguro nga... pero superficial lang lahat... not that true happiness...

bago ko pala naisipang ipost ito... nakareceive ako ng letter, same din sa reflection ko... obvious na napakalaking negatively charged particle ako... she said look through life positively... pero paano ba yun? If for once i was depressed all the time, i had a negative disposition and a negative outlook in life...

oh spare me from this... i want a life!!!

kagabi naalala ko na naman siya

di ko na naman napigilang umiyak...

Ewan ko ba, di ko talaga alam kung ano ang nakita ko sa kanya... pero pag-naaalala ko siya, madalas nadedepress ako, madalas nawawala ako sa sarili ko. hindi ko talaga alam...

para tuloy akong si Maria sa eleven minutes, naghahanap ng pagibig niya, ngunit wala naman siyang ginagawa para makita ito... dairy lang ang nakakaalam ng lahat.

pero bakit nga ba ako nadedepress...?

ano nga naman ba ang karapan ko para madepress...?

at bakit kailan ko pang umiyak...?

hindi naman naging kami, ako lang yung umaasa. ni hindi ko nga alam kung alam niya na may pagtingin ako sa kanya. pero bakit ganito pa rin yung nararamdaman ko?