Tuesday, August 31, 2004

After a While

By Veronica A. Shoffstall
written at age 19


After a while you learn the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and

company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head

up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult,

not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for

plans.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if

you get too much.

So plant your own garden and decorate your own

soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you

flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure . . .

that you really are strong,

and you really do have worth.

And you learn and you learn . . .

with every good-bye you learn. . . .

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Somebody asked me lately, "Ano ang type mo sa lalaki?"



And I said sarcastically, "Bakit gusto mong malaman?"



But that peron didn't replied back, so I thought it's just his common reaction. However, I find it queer on the way he asked me the question, it's like he's trying to know more about how I choose the right person whom I wished to admire. But why does he want know it?

Then I remembered a line that I had read on one e-mail which goes a bit like this...



"... For Guys, ask out in advance what you're counter-part wants, so that you'll have an idea on what to give her..."


But I can't justify this line to his intent on why he asked me that? It's still vague for me, I mean, I'm clueless, nonetheless if he really wants to know about what's my type in a guy, then he should just pass and abide to my standards. So here are the criterions:


I. Physical appearance (20%)


  1. face value (5%)
  2. Complexion (5%)
  3. over-all physique (5%)
  4. eyes (5%)

II. Intelligence (20%)

  1. reasoning capability and other related factors (10%)
  2. humor and other related factors (10%)

III. Attitude (60%)
which includes:

  1. first impression
  2. my own perception to him, whether he's cocky, cocksure, timid or shy
  3. the perception of others
  4. rumors about him

So over all 100%, and the passing rate for me is 80%. So know I guess you'll all have a clear idea on how I select the right guy to admire. My standards are high right?


Tuesday, August 17, 2004

"The long week has finally concluded but its aftershock is still ongoing."


What does this line mean? Simple, the results of the exams are just up ahead to torture everyone of us again. We had managed to survived the one-half of the catastropy this prelims had brought us, but we still are not assured whether we are all going to pass or fail those exams. Just lately this morning, one of the most feared subject (BIOCHEM) had released its aftershock, giving us all a hard time to breathe, thinking hard if we would pass it or not, and asking and praying to all the saints to help and spare us. For some few gifted people, of course they're too confident that their going to pass, but what about us.... the average type, kulang na lang maglupasay...Then the moment arrived, the results were given... few were too lucky to pass but the rest all in dispair, kasi kulang ng one point para pumasa. Then, yung inaakala mong iyon na, tapos na, di pa natapos nagsermon pa siya, bumagsak or almost bumagsak ka na nga nagsermon pa, hindi na naawa, nagdagdag torture pa!


Eto pa, matapos yung biochem, si EXPERMENTAL LEC, lugmuk na lugmuk ka na sa iyong katayuan dahil nga sa Biochem, ito nagdagdag pa siya ng pasakit. Imbes na sabihin na lang yung tamang sagot, daldal pa ng daldal sa harap, iniisa-isa ung questions, duh! Ano ba siya martyr, or just plain STUPID. Then, when she finally realized that no body's listening nagtanong pa kung bakit walang nakikinig. Isn't it that as a PSYCHOLOGIST you should be sensitive to the needs of others, why can't she see that her students were already annoyed with her!


Sorry, I just really want to have an outlet sa bwisit kong ito!

Friday, August 6, 2004

Scared


Sometimes I got scared

knowing that someday you'll be gone

but I tried to conceal it inside,

cause I'm so ashamed to reveal it...

Sometimes I looked toward the sky

gazing intently, somehow thinking

your face would peeped out...

I looked so woebegone now,

cause I knew in any minute

you'll be out of my life.

I'm so scared... yet I'm so down to you

I'm wondering whether I could hear

your mellifluous voice again,

just for this last time,

even for this last, very moment.

However, circumstances might change,

and I'm afraid it would,

and my dreaded thoughts

would somehow turn into reality...


Thursday, August 5, 2004



Sentiment of the Heart


Those days seemed endless...

the moments seemed forever...

yet anguish came to take you away from my arms.

You became elusive, and I easily succumbed

to the pain.

Tears rushed like rain, unable to determine

when its time to subside.

I wanted to cling on,

but everything's pulling me apart.

I wished I could return back

the hands of time, to experience again

the joy of being in your arms again.

Yet that moment had passed away

and the only thing that I could say to

myself is I missed you!


Wednesday, August 4, 2004

Notice


His misty brown eyes reflected everything

from my heart's desires and fears...

I felt like its a mirror of my whole dreams...

dreams that someday I could gain...

Yet that mirror doesn't belong to me...

but with someone else.

Oh, that lucky maiden!

How I wished it was me?

How I wished it was me... whom you're caressing?

How I wished it was me... near to you,

to fulfill those dreams reflected by your brown eyes...

But I belonged to someone else now...

and what's painful was that....

those dreams would never turn into reality...

for the moment allotted for me...

swiftly passed away,

without even a notice.


Thursday, July 15, 2004

Disclaimer...


To all those people who have read my Blog regarding the hypocrites thing...

Sorry!!!

I know, I had offended you with such usage of words, and I was never that keen to realize that I had made a drastic action in favor for this someone who had stirred my emotions.

Sorry!!!!

...People tend to generalize, and I guess I had made the wrong decision to generalize. I know it would not be easy for all of you to reconsider my apology, but as time goes by, I hope you would all forgive me.



The truth behind that post was that I had just used it in order for me to know who was the "one person" who tried to ruin my reputation behind my back, and who tries to sever my existing relationships to all of you. And for that reason - for just posting that blog, issues were raised and sent to me. People were of course, misconstrued by my generalizations, so I guess, I should now be specific, for I already knew who that person was. However, I don't want to mention that person's name here, so I guess I should end this post here.


Sorry!!! folks!!!

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Once a Teacher, Always . . .

By Kay Conner Pliszka


Mom was a teacher most of her life. When she wasn't in the classroom, she was educating her children or grandchildren: correcting our grammar; starting us on collections of butterflies, flowers or rocks; or inspiring a discussion on her most recent "Book of the Month Club" topic. Mom made learning fun.



It was sad for my three brothers and me to see her ailing in her later years. At eighty-five, she suffered a stroke that paralyzed the entire right side of her body, and she went steadily downhill after that.



Two days before she died, my brothers and I met at her nursing home and took her for a short ride in a wheelchair. While we waited for the staff to lift her limp body back into bed, Mom fell asleep. Not wanting to wake her, we moved to the far end of the room and spoke softly.



After several minutes our conversation was interrupted by a muffled sound coming from across the room. We stopped talking and looked at Mom. Her eyes were closed, but she was clearly trying to communicate with us. We went to her side.



"Whrrr," she said weakly.



"Where?" I asked. "Mom, is there something you want?"



"Whrrr," she repeated a bit stronger. My brothers and I looked at each other and shook our heads sadly.



Mom opened her eyes, sighed, and with all the energy she could muster said, "Not was. Say were!"



It suddenly occurred to us that Mom was correcting brother Jim's last sentence, "If it was up to me . . . "



Jim leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, Mom," he whispered.



We smiled at each other and once again shook our heads - this time in awe of a remarkable teacher.

The Hymnbook

By Arthur Bowler


I watched intently as my little brother was caught in the act. He sat in the corner of the living room, a pen in one hand and my father's hymnbook in the other. As my father walked into the room, my brother cowered slightly; he sensed that he had done something wrong. From a distance, I saw that he had opened my father's brand-new book and scribbled across the length and breadth of the entire first page with a pen. Now, staring at my father fearfully, he and I both waited for his punishment.



My father picked up his prized hymnal, looked at it carefully, and then sat down without saying a word. Books were precious to him; he was a clergyman and the holder of several degrees. For him, books were knowledge, and yet, he loved his children. What he did in the next few minutes was remarkable. Instead of punishing my brother, instead of scolding or yelling or reprimanding, he sat down, took the pen from my brother's hand and then wrote in the book himself, alongside the scribbles John had made: "John's word 1959, age two. How many times have I looked into your beautiful face and into your warm, alert eyes looking up at me and thanked God for the one who has now scribbled in my new hymnal? You have made the book sacred as have your brothers and sister to so much of my life." Wow, I thought. This is punishment?



From time to time I take a book down - not just a cheesy paperback but a real book that I know I will have for many years to come - and I give it to one of my children to scribble or write their names in. And as I look at their artwork, I think about my father, and how he taught me about what really matters in life: people, not objects; tolerance, not judgment; love which is at the very heart of a family. I think about these things, and I smile. And I whisper, "Thank you, Dad."


Laboring to Fulfill a Dream

By Dave Kindred


One morning in 1926, the small boy William Powell walked seven miles down a railroad track. He found his future. Not that he knew it. He knew only that he loved what he saw that morning. He saw a golf course. My, my. What a thing. He'd never seen so much green.



"Beautiful," he says now, seventy-five years later. Only he says it better than that. He says it sweet, soft, slow. "Beeyoootifulll," he says.



One morning in 2001, the great-grandson of Alabama slaves sits in a cart near the 1st tee of his very own course. He built it with his hands, with money from his factory job, with eighteen-hour days, with his wife and children working alongside.



People drove by on Ohio's U.S. Route 30 and saw William Powell on his wild land yanking out tree stumps as if they were bad teeth. They saw him hacking, tugging, burning, bulldozing, pulling up fence posts and picking up stones, planting, watering, mowing. He sweated rivers.



"We had seventy-eight acres, a dilapidated barn, a milk parlor in shambles, chickens in the weeds, no plumbing, no heat and a big ol' white tomcat chasing rats as big as it was," Powell says. "Whatever the 'pioneering spirit' is, we must've had it."



His body aches. Asked if he still plays golf, he laughs. "I fake it." He's five inches shorter than the five-foot-nine Wilberforce University fullback of his youth. "At 190, I looked 175."



He pats his windbreaker. "Got a stomach now for the first time."
He can talk. My, my. He sits three hours, talking. He drives a visitor on a tour of Clearview Golf Course, talking great good sense: "I'd rather fail trying than be successful doing nothing."



The way he tells his story, it's a lesson in American history. He worked on his golf course not for months or years. He worked for decades.



When he started, late in 1946, the pro golf tour enforced a Caucasians-only clause. Jackie Robinson hadn't joined the Dodgers. As Powell worked, Rosa Parks was arrested, Emmett Till beaten to death, Martin Luther King Jr. shot. Watts burned. Four young girls died in a Birmingham, Alabama, church. Bull Connor loosed the dogs of racial war.



William Powell kept working. His daughter, Renee, a former LPGA Tour player and now Clearview's club pro, asks, "How do you stick to something for fifty years when you have obstacles thrown in your path because your skin is the wrong color? My father's story is, 'Never give up.' I got death threats on tour, and I'd call home crying, and y'know what? My parents never said, 'Come on home.'"



Bankers wouldn't lend him money, not even a GI loan. An insurance man told him to keep quiet about his plans or white folks would build a course next door. Vandals plundered his meager place. He kept working. "Even black people thought I was a kook," Powell says. "Who wants to fight a racist, apartheid society all the time? But I had golf in me. And I had to bring it out."



Golf got into him that morning in 1926. Willie Powell and his friend George set out from their little town of Minerva, Ohio. They followed the railroad tracks to see a golf course, though they had no idea what a golf course was.



They hurried through a quarter-mile tunnel before a train could squeeze them against the side walls, those walls crumbling with stone jiggled loose by locomotives rumbling through.



The boys saw railroad construction done with giant steam shovels. They heard dynamite blasts. "So exciting," Powell says. "Like they were digging the Panama Canal."



Then they saw the golf course – beautiful - Edgewater Golf Course. All day they hung around. Powell inspected a Model-T Ford made into a tractor/mower with twelve-inch-wide steel rear wheels and a chain drive with three-fourths-inch flat metal studs. He saw golfers hit balls into the sky and he was amazed how far those balls went and he wanted to try it himself - if his mother ever would let him out of the house again.



Night fell before the boy retraced those seven railroad miles. He tried to sneak into bed, only to hear his mother say, "Willie! Go get me a switch!"



She wanted a whippy switch off a willow tree in the front yard. She used it to great effect. The boy, now a man eighty-four-years old, William Powell yet squirms on the seat of his golf cart and says, "That's a switchin' I'll never forget."



But golf had him. He caddied, thirty-five cents a loop. He became a player who in a different time might have been a professional: "I had the game. But like John Shippen and Teddy Rhodes and many others, not the opportunity. We had to pay the colored tax."



During World War II, U.S. Army Tech Sergeant Powell organized truck convoys in preparation for the D-Day invasion. He used downtime to play golf throughout Great Britain. But at war's end, back home, no golf.



"I had put my life on the line for this country," he says. "I'd just left a country where I was treated like a human being. Now I was supposed to be satisfied to be treated like dirt? I couldn't play any local events. I knew I ought to be allowed to. But there was nothing I could do about it."



Nothing? Powell had been captain of his college golf and football teams. He led men in the army. He often quoted grade-school principal R. R. Vaughn: "Billy, you know you are a little colored boy, and you have to realize you can't do things just as good as a white boy - you have to do them better!"



He would do something. "I couldn't stand being controlled by a certain part of society - you know who I mean - when they didn't come up to my standards."



What he'd do is build his own golf course. "It was necessary," he says. "I had to do it for my own pride. Necessary. I had the right to exist."



All these years later, William Powell knows why he wanted to build Clearview. But he doesn't know why he thought he could. He had no money, no land and no idea how he'd get either. "Then, miracles," he says.



He and his wife, Marcella, had admired land they saw while driving from East Canton to Minerva. They soon saw that land for sale. He made two doctors his partners; his stake came in a loan from his brother.



Clearview is now eighteen holes on 130 acres of rolling, verdant hills decorated with dogwoods and sassafras, oaks and maple. A cool breeze crosses the land transformed from wilderness into parkland. At the 1st tee, a sign calls it "America's Course." On February 16, 2001, Clearview was placed on the National Register of Historic Places.



Jeff Brown, an Ohio historian who finished the writing of Clearview's register nomination, says, "It's an amazing story, the only course in the history of America designed, built and owned by an African American."



"The lesson of Mr. Powell's life," says Dr. Obie Bender, assistant to the president of Baldwin-Wallace College and a Clearview player for thirty-five years, "is 'Never let other people define you.'"



Powell's wife, Marcella, died in 1996. His son, Larry, is course superintendent. Daughter Renee runs the shop, teaches and, like the rest of the family, is involved in the Clearview Legacy Foundation, preserving the course's history.



The Powells need a museum just for awards: An honorary doctorate from Baldwin-Wallace. The National Golf Foundation's Jack Nicklaus Golf Family of the Year Award in 1992. A Tiger Woods Foundation scholarship in the name of William and Marcella Powell. A lifetime PGA of America membership.



All nice, if late. "Those honors are beautiful," Powell says, there by the 1st tee fifty-five years after he drove off U.S. Route 30 and down a dirt lane to his life's work, "but they're empty, because Marcella's not here. She'd never say, 'This is not going to work.'"



He takes a visitor around the property, the afternoon light golden, and he talks about this tree stump, that creek, those flowers.



He drives to a new tee on the 5th hole, where the PGA of America is lending a hand in renovation, and he points out three maple trees now in the fairway rather than beside it.



"We'll take those down," he says.



"Might be interesting," the visitor says, "if you left one to get in the way."



Suddenly, William Powell raises his chin. His eyes brighten. "Maybe we could," he says, his old man's voice alive with a boy's excitement.

Flower Princess

By Nicole Owens


I patted the tulle clouds of my white dress as Mama brushed my dark hair. She clipped tiny ivory flowers to the top of my head, and I was complete - a real princess. Flower girl, they called me, but in my four-year-old mind, I was Cinderella.



We arrived at the church early to practice, and Bonnie, the bride, handed me the basket of all importance. Tucked inside lay dozens of crisp purple orchids. The outside was white wicker, adorned with bows and satin ribbons. It whispered to me, "Princess, princess, princess."



My turn in the rehearsal came, and Bonnie leaned over. "Now, don't put any of the flowers down yet," she said. I nodded, thinking Mama must have been wrong when she said my job was to drop flowers on the carpet. Poor Mama. She must have never been a flower princess.



I marched to the front of the church, clasping my basket, holding my head even and stiff. The prettiest bridesmaid, Josephine, winked and said how grown-up I was. My fingers longed to touch her long satiny skirt, but I stood tall and still, like a real lady.



Then the people came. Tall people, squatty people, people in hats and vests and polka-dot dresses. Men in collars and aloha shirts. Women in heels as tall as pencils. I watched the other kids in their suspenders and pigtails and long flowered muumuus. Well, I thought, feeling sad for them, I suppose we can't all be princesses.



They filled the church with their hushed laughter and rustling dresses and warmth. Up front, Mrs. Ayabe plunked beautiful music out of the old piano. Mama kissed my forehead. "You'll do just fine, sweetie." She put my hand in Bonnie's and left.



Bonnie and I waited at the very back in our matching Cinderella dresses. We waited through the music and the praying and the turning pages. We waited as the bridesmaids in their satin skirts went before us - one, two, three, four. And then it was my turn.



Hundreds of eyes rested on me, but I stared straight ahead to the front of the church. Watching only the old man with the Bible, I slowly traveled the skinny aisle, just like Mama told me - first foot, together; second foot, together.



My fingers gripped the handle of the wicker basket as I guarded my treasure. I wished right down to my toes that I could sprinkle a few flowers, just to show everyone how purple they were. But Bonnie's words whispered in my head. Don't put the flowers down yet.



As I reached the man up front, I saw Mama smiling. It was a funny smile. The kind she gives when I mix the buttons on my shirt, or forget which shoe goes where. I thought maybe her strange look was from being so proud, but a little part of my stomach tied worried knots.



After lots of talking and praying and singing, when I almost had to yawn, I saw one of the men kiss Bonnie smack on the lips. I didn't think God allowed kissing in church, but the man with the Bible was nodding, so I let it pass. Then everything was music and clapping and people swarming around Bonnie and the kissing man.



Mama found me after the wedding, and knelt down to my size. She held both of my hands, even the one still clamped to the basket. "Sweetie," she said with that smile, "Sweetie, why didn't you put down the flowers?"



I opened my mouth to explain when Bonnie glided by, all lace and white and tulle.



"You were adorable, Nicki, absolutely adorable!" she gushed. "And it's okay that you forgot about the flowers." Then the sea of fancy people swallowed her back into their handshakes and hugs. I couldn't believe it.



I stood very, very still. I didn't look at Mama. The tears spilled down before I could stop them, splashing my cheeks, my dress, the rounded toes of my glossy white shoes. I wanted to use my screeching voice.



I had listened! I really had. I listened all perfect but I still did it wrong, and now I can't be a princess!



Mama hugged me close, saying, "It's okay. It's okay to forget. Everybody forgets sometimes, even Mama."



I made my body stiff in her arms. "But I didn't!" I protested between gulping sobs. "Bonnie said not to do the flowers! I didn't forget!" Mama patted and shushed and peppered me with kisses, but I knew she still thought I'd forgotten.



Then I felt a new hand on my back. I blinked up into the sunlight, and saw Josephine's soft smile. She whispered something to Mama, who nodded. Josephine took my hand and led me back to the sanctuary, her satin skirt swishing.



The church was empty and quiet and big as we stood at the wooden doors. I looked at Josephine. "Go ahead and put your flowers down," she said. "It's time now." She waited at the very back, and I walked slowly, carefully down the aisle of the empty church. I fingered the smooth flowers and dropped one here, then here, then here. The last orchid fell just as I reached the front of the sanctuary. Perfect. Just like a princess.



Turning toward the back of the church, I stretched my skirt wide and curtseyed deep to my imaginary audience. Josephine's laugh was like silver. When I looked up, Mama was standing beside her. She beamed my favorite smile, all shining and rounded cheeks - the kind that means she's so glad I'm hers.



I raced back over the trail of scattered flowers. Then we left the wedding, Mama with her smile, and me with my empty basket and a glow that rivaled Cinderella's.

Yesterday, when I was going home and about to take my ride, I saw this child, mistreated by the injustice of the world. He was shirt less and walks in bare foot. I observed him clearly at what he was doing - asking alms. He stretched out his hands to every person in the line after me, but no one responded to his plea. Then he turned to me and asked for something, a single penny perhaps, yet I was just the same as the rest - I turned him down and did not responded to his plea. Then after awhile the thought that our professor had given me another chance struck me, "Why couldn't I be compassionate enough, as what our professor had shown to me? Why did I became too selfish, and not considered the fact that it's just a single penny his asking for?" After awhile I started fixing myself and came up to a solution of considering him, yet I presumed it was too late. The child was advised to move out of sight by someone, and from then on I carried this guilt inside my heart, for its a child's cry that i hadn't responded to. And maybe perhaps it would take long before this guilt would subside - maybe months or perhaps years until i learned how to give something and ask nothing in return.