...

wala lang, i just like to post this... for some enlightenment...

notice...

I graciously reprimand my readers to please stop spreading rumors of some sort about the identity of the persons whom were depicted or described here in my devilish blog. I do hope before anything to be spread out and any information to be disseminated out of the listening public let it be first validated or verified, thus it won't add up to the so called tension build-up.

I may well be honest that my blog is full of some sort of invectives - some may well be to offensive, and others overtly critical. Thus, I ask for the apologies of those concerned, but there is still but in the end, and that but would mean to say only one thing: that your actions are well of to be changed more so eradicated for its no longer pleasant for some sensitive individuals.

another thing you surely wont like...

Have you heard these lines...?

"...ano gusto mo ieedit natin ito o zero tayo!"

"...ako na lang palagi... ano gusto ninyo wala kayong grade!"
"...dali na ikaw na lang gumawa, ang dami ko nang gagawin, may etcetera, etcetera, etcetera..."

Isn't it na nakakaannoy na... wala lang... un lang... can't make up a controversy, and a long write up about this person. Di tulad ng iba di ba?

Santita

Iirap-irap akala'y kagalingan,


Nagmamagaling ng todo,


Subalit wala namang karapatan...


Datapwa'y imulat ang iyong mga mata,

Nang masilayan ang sariling kahunghangan!

Sadya bang ipinaganak kang ganyan,


Isang impaktang di marunong makiramdam,


Walang alam kung hindi ang pang sariling kapakanan,


Di marunong sumunod,

Tinataranta't ginugulo ang buhay ng may buhay.

Nawa'y maramdaman mo,


Na isa kang malaking pasira,


Sa gawain ng mga tao...


Sadyang panggulo lang...

Kaya't maawa ka at magbago na!

routinary...

Ngayong araw na ito... wala lang, walang nangyaring kakaiba kundi yung sermon. I mean, naulit lang yung dahilan kung bakit ako pumapasok - para mag-aral at masermonan. How I hate going to school, kasi naman masyadong dinadown kami ng mga professors namin. Ang akala namin yung tingin nila sa class namin eh, parang average, and maingay lang, kung baga yung tulad ng iniisip ko na tamad lang, yun pala hindi. Ang tingin talaga nila ay "bobo", mahina, walang alam... ano nga ba ang basehan nito? Kung titignan naman natin eh, talagang tamad lang naman kami eh... kung class participation ang paguusapan, i mean yung recitations - kailangan pa ba namin ito... napaka-traditional na nitong issue na ito. Kung sa academic naman ang titignan ng pansin - yun ba ang dahilan? Por que ba wala kaming dean's listers at napunta lang sa section A and B yung mga yun... ang tingin ninyo sa amin "bobo"! Ano ang mga tingin ninyo sa sarili ninyo magaling magturo... che napakapeste ninyo! Ang paplastic ninyo... nakakadiri... Kala mo naman kung sinong kagalingan, purket ba may mga MA degree kayo! Ang kakapal... kala mo naman magaling magimpart ng nalalaman.. Ayaw ko na talagang mag-psych... bullshit ito, sana yung second choice na lang yung pinili ko na aplayan MED. TECH o dili kaya nag-bio na lang ako, at least i can say to my self na tama talaga yung course na napasukan ko for med proper...

saloobin + exposure trip...

What I pressumed to happen about the contest didn't eventually came to reality... darn... It wasn't him who won but another guy from biology... Leo. Anyway he may be good... only in modelling, why? Since, when I asked someone to relate to me the event, she said she there wasn't anything regarding question and answer, nor in talent portion, whatever, only damn modelling of such a clothes whether casual or formal wear. What ever really happened, I don't know. More so, if it was their only criteria for judging then maybe Mr. and Ms. Science Personality winners weren't really intended to be sent to the inter-collegiate competition. So I guess it's just it, nothing more to add nor include...

***

Bakit may taong mahirap pakisamahan... inilalapit mo na yung sarili mo ngunit talagang hindi pa rin marunong makisama? Meron namang iba na marunong makisama dahil lang sa may kailangan ngunit pagkatapos noon wala na... puro pakikipagplastikan na lang. Meron din naman na iba na akala mo mapagkakatiwalaan pero nasa loob ang kulo, mahilig mangipit at magtago ng nalalaman... Wala na ba kaming karapatan na malaman ang mga impormasyong iyon? Kayu-kayo na lang ba palagi? Sa inyo na lang ba dapat ang lahat? Hindi ba iniluklok kayo diyan ng nakararami para ipamahagi ang inyong nalalaman? O hindi kaya kayo talaga yung nakararami, halintulad sa kongreso na puro na lang mayora wala nang minorya? Wala ba kayong balak imulat ang inyong mga mata upang makita ang mga bagay-bagay, at ibukas ang mga tenga at makinig sa mga mumunting tinig na nagsusumamo upang pakinggan sila? Sadya ba talagang hindi patas ang lahat?

Kung babalikan natin ang mungkahi ng mga sayantipiko upang mamuhay ng matiwasay sa mundo sinasaad nila at iginigiit ang Mutual Relationships na halaw sa mga aklat ng Biology, na nagsasabi na "there should be a give and take relationship between parties so as to live freely and productively in an ecosystem that has minimal resources". Sinasabi rin nila na okay lang ang Competition sa bawat grupo at itinatakwil nila ang idea ng Parasitism na sinasaad na "in these kind of relationship there is only one benefiting from the minimal resources the ecosystem had, and these resources were first consumed by the other party in which the nutrients that party should be benefiting was taken away by the other, causing an imbalance between the homeostatic imbalance between the two."

Kung ang sinasabi nila ay ihahalintulad sa sitwasyong ito, lumalabas lang na wala sa Mutual Relationship ang nangyayari, at wala rin sa Parasitism, dahil hindi kami ang may hawak ng impormasyong base sa Ecosystem kung hindi kayo. Kung nasa amin kaya ang mga ito at gawin din namin sa inyo ang kahayupang ginagawa ninyo masisiyahan ba kayo, magngingitngit din ba kayo sa galit? Hindi ba oo, magagalit kayo. Kung kami kaya ang gumagawa nito sa inyo at hindi ipagbigay alam ang lahat sa inyo ano kaya ang mararamdaman ninyo? Sana naman hindi kayo manhid sa mga ito... hindi na ito maliit na bagay na nakakaligtaan lang, isang malaking bagay ito dahil paulit-ulit ang lahat ng nangyayari... paulit-ulit... nakakapeste na talaga...

***

Today was my first exposure trip to the "world of the damned" as few may call. A presummed world that resulted to the deviation of those people to the societal norms. Anyway, in lay man's term a mental institution, an assylum for those few who chose to be different from the rest.

The idea of going and being exposed to them was scary. I'm prognosticating and even guessing what kind of place it really was inside, since the institution was really familiar. I've already seen it from a far... particularly at the back of our high school building. It was really our past time before, observing the few people running there in the grounds with seperate things in mind, having an own world. But now, it really was a reality, no more observation from that far place... but in the real setting inside.

The preparation going there really wasn't nice... a Friday with no classes... then with a clang Saturday: exposure trip, an 8:30 call time in the lobby of the Main Building of UST, and again a too early rise from bed, with which I failed to do again. More so, me and my friends decided to be much early from that call time, we chose 8 am to meet in the usual place, but i'm late again... 8:40 I had arrived at the lobby only a few where there... no close friends, and still with the same feeling of nervousness.

The next event wan't even good, our class had been able to ride the bus passed an hour after the call time. Then, the thought that, we can pursue already struck us with a hype, the bus weren't allowed to move out of the campus. Nice, right? No, because the tensions just intensified. I also became a tour guide for the driver in the bus, since he didn't knew the place. I instucted the snobbish driver to move about, where to turn, if it was really there.

Then we where already there, a woman told few facts then we where allowed to enter. After which we jammed at the main entrance, a man let us recalled few of the abnormal topics we've covered from the DSM. And there whalla... we entered. A whopping culture shock! However, not the same as expected... people on bars, shouting nonsense. But only few people sitting, chatting, and laughing, as if they're really not abnormal, but normals misdiagnoised... confined by somebody else. It was really my first time to encounter a real schizophrenic - and wearing a yellow green shirt, grinning at me, following the other people not even speaking... harmless? She appeared to be as if she would stub you if only she had a knife. Then there where other people approachable, easily to be with, Lance, or should it be Lani. There were also other people easily noticeable, dashing in red, attached to other people.

There were games, dancing, and can't forget the prayers and food... then the exposure's over...

With All My Regrets...

The final league of the pageant for Mr. and Ms. Science Personality happened today. The thought of what happened there makes me really grumpy. Grr... why for all the time and schedule, it would happen today at 3:00 in the afternoon when all my thinking is projected to going home early. I badly wished to watch it, to see practically one of the contestants there, Robert. I never thought that he had the guts to join a competition like that since it wasn't really like his personality. Duh! I really hate myself for my decision making skills... if I guess I decided to stay, then I may be able to see him do his stunts if there is a talent portion or something; see him at his best when he answer the questions that would be asked; and to see him at his formal wear as compared to the usual uniform...

More so as we (pertaining to me and my friends) had discussed the competition for the male representative was really stiff, since the promoters who ever they were had chosen the best among the male population of the College of Science. I'll just name a few, Dennis, Leo and ROBERT from biology, and one of my classmates, Alan. In addition to this I presume who ever would win this competition would represent the said college to the inter-collegiate UST Personality. Huh, I missed the chance... and I'm really dismayed for such haphazard decisions I'd made. For those who had watched it, would you care to share what happened tomorrow at class and who ever won the competition? Please...

I HOPE ROB WON IT... FOR HE DESERVES IT!!!

And oh there's another thing I wished to impart... this is really quite annoying, sarcastic, and rude... And to those few who might encounter or read this, I may reprimand you already that it wasn't intended for you but with someone else who makes my blood boil every night. Well, I never really saw the reaction of this person, but if ever it happened, this is the only thing that I'm going to say to you. DON'T THINK THAT YOU ENDED VICTORIOUS OVER ME. YOUR ONE POINT ADVANTAGE HAS NO STATISTICAL BEARING. REMEMBER THAT I CAN EASILY GET MUCH HIGHER GRADES THAN YOU, IF I WISHED TO. MORE SO, BASED ON FACTS YOU ARE IN THE LOWER RUNG OF THE LADDER AND I'M ALMOST NEAR THE TOP, BESIDES TO REITERATE TO YOU, I'M MUCH MORE INTELLIGENT THAN YOU ARE... AND IF NOT FOR ME, I GUESS YOU FLUNKED FEW OF OUR SUBJECTS ESPECIALLY GEN. CHEM AND ORG. CHEM. SO SHAME OF YOU! JUST AS WHAT YOU'D DESCRIBED YOURSELF AS YOU'RE TYPING YOUR PASSWORD!

If you think that it was over... think again. I'm just waiting for the right time that what you hold against me would be returned back to me. Hence I already had it back... I may well release all this tensions...

just plain nothing

Whew, hell week's over... as in over. Though the thought of it shivers me, I guess I can lick it... Anyway, ive been busy for the past days prior to the "Prelims" since I needed to finish some reports particularly the study in clinical psych, that's why it's been late for this post... besides i've been excessively worrying little things that come my way, been craming with it until i'd realized that i haven't done anything progressively and productively. I really hate to say this but huh, I'm tired... so damn tired of studying, besides i'm having this second thought of not continuing to med school, not because of financial reasons, but my motivation and eagerness to consider such laborious stuying. I've even been regretting taking up psych, not that i don't like it, but for other reasons. I really enjoy being in psychology and that i swear is true, but some annoyer just cut that enjoyment and enthusiam that i've been experiencing. I guess every body knew who that culprit was, and i guess some even disliked her, but there's nothing we really can do but just to keep this feeling... until march...So i guess i't just up to here, i'm still have other errands to face and attend to... and to say sarcastically quizzes to review with...

Since, ayaw ko ng magpost regarding the christmas party... puntahan nyo na lng ung blog ni leah... nakakatamad kasi mag-recount ng events... pero kung tutuusin masaya... nagenjoy talaga me. Ang galing-galing talaga ng council ah... but anyway, I decided to write this poem na lang kasi i got a feeling na hindi ko maexplain para sa isang tao...

Burden

Stolen moments,

glimpses left untold,

a concealed smile

and a heart-full bliss

whilst thee there, don't notice

A heart-warming greetings,

a melting stare and

a groovy smile from thee

makes this heart palpitate fast

and this body trembles inevitably.

This emotion kept inside

are ought to be divulge...

to dispel the dither

long forth troubling me,

so it be... I love thee!

And ito pa isa...

Insanity

My sanity long forth fighting

yet easily succumbed by thee.

Thou prowess like lighting

killing it piece by piece.

This dither thee thrust forth

causes commotion between

neither reality nor illusion win

thus a hell's thou birth!

But, Oh those mirthful words

they are passions caressing me

filling my empty world

with emotions long sought.

Thy stares thaw this edifice

and with our tête-à-tête

I realized, I needed thee

for this life revolves only to thee!

Greetings...

Since we will no longer meet for the coming weeks... I guess it's nice to just greet you all...

Happy Holidays!!!!

May The Lord God bless You all in this yuletide season!!!

And since it's Christmas, my wishlist for santa are as follows...

1. For my dad: let him be appreciative and sensitive to others' needs.

2. For my mom: let her be well from the ailment she's experiencing.

3. For my brother: let him be nice to all.

4. For my younger brother: let him be more obedient.

5. For my friends: please protect them always.

6. For my relatives: may they realize the things that they ought to realize.

7. For the people of the world: world peace and prosperity for the comming years...

and for me...

My Peace of mind... let this dither vanish from me... to be fully happy...

you're more like the season..

You're Most Like The Season Spring ...

Fresh faced, with a young outlook on life - you
smile at the world and expect it to smile back
at you. You're mostly a bubbly, fun - innocent
person. Described as cute possibly. However,
you're a little naive about things and tend to
be a little too trustworthy.
As the first season, It Makes you the youngest -
and so most immature - but people are inclined
to look out for and protect you.

Well done... You're the most fun of the seasons :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

i love you... my dear friend

author: unknown

A friend is someone who cares about you. The one that you can count on in times of troubles, pains, and sufferings that occur in your life. The one that you can trust with all the secrets of your life. A friend is someone who always finds time to listen to all the stories you tell and the one that is always concerned in everything that you do. These traits I found in you, that's why I really trusted you, and for all of these, I know nothing to repay you but to simply be your friend. And we share the laughter for years admitting to each other that we enjoy being with one another.

But lately little changes are slowly taking place, I just woke up one morning that my feelings for you have changed. To describe it I don't know of a way, its just that I have this weird feeling that I always want to see your cute face, to hear your sweet voice, and feel your gentle touch. And when it's already my chance to see you, my knees began trembling, my heart pounding faster than ever, my mind began to mix up. "What shall I do? Will I put face powder on my face? What? What now?" Asking myself as if I was crazy. Then you suddenly appear right in front of me smiling. "Oh my! What shall I say?" I said to myself. And nevertheless I was speechless. No words to say, no stories to tell, nothing. But I managed to keep my feelings hidden.I wanted that moment to last forever but unfortunately, the day is about to end, and nothing can we do about it, so we just bid goodbye to each other, and hope to see one another sooner.

That night, I was wondering under the dim moonlight. Dreaming about you and I, walking hands in hands, talking sweetly about sweet nothing… "Oh My!" I said to myself. "What's this happening to me as if I was bewitched by somebody? Is this love? What can I do about it?" That night I slept with a smile in my lips.

On the next day, I see you wearing a blue cold face. I asked, "What's Wrong?" while cheering you with all my might, but inside I too was dying. You told me it's because of a girl you like most but despite the things you have done for her, she just can't learn how to love you. My tears started to stream down my cheeks. You thought I understand you and that's what causes me to cry. "No, you don't understand," I wanted this to tell you, "I was crying because like you, I really felt something special for someone and that's you, but whatever I do, you just can't feel that I love you too! And now you're telling me you're in love with somebody! What about me? What about my feelings for you?" These words I don't have the guts to tell, so I just chose to be quiet and it's all a secret for me to keep.

I spent that night crying endlessly. I can feel that boundless woe blanketing my lonely soul. "What shall I do now? Will I let you know about my feelings for you?" These question rolled out of my mind. But after that, I remembered that I valued our friendship too much that I can't stand to loose it just because of this stupid feeling they called LOVE.

That was my first decision, but I realized that I couldn't be your friend without thinking about my feelings for you. "What will happen to me now? Now that I can't hide my feelings anymore? … … Now I know what to do…" I sadly whispered to myself. I know it will take a long time for me to do this but I know it's a must. Many hours passed and I spent it all by crying, for I promised to myself that, that will be the last time that I will cry just because of you. However I was wrong in this.

The next day I met you, I know I have practiced every word that I shall tell you. But I just stop myself from crying the moment I saw you drawing near. But I wipe it all dry for I have a very important message for you. But before I have the chance to tell you these words, you greeted me with a cheerful smile and a warm "Hi!" Ignoring this I told you, "Farewell,". You asked me "Why?" Once again my tears began to fall because of the deep pain that I'm hiding inside but I know I must continue. "Farewell my friend. For I am not worthy to be your friend. For a long time, I have betrayed our friendship." I said. "Betrayed? I can't remember any time that you betrayed our friendship!" You said. But in your face I can see that you're so confused. I must finish I know for `this is the only way to forget your love," this is my heart instructing me for it too was hurt. I took a deep breath and said, "No, you don't understand. I have betrayed it. I have promised that we will be friends forever but suddenly I felt that you already had a special place in my heart. I'm sorry. And now I'm leaving with all our happy and sad memories. But before I go, I want you to know that I LOVE YOU … MY DEAR FRIEND." After this, I run with all my might even though I heard you shout, "Wait!" I can't stand any single moment that I can hear your sweet and gentle voice because underneath that is the fact that you could never be mine… …`